As Usher said a few years ago -

This is my confession…

I’m not the nice person everyone thinks I am. I can be evil and a downright bee-yatch. Don’t get my wrong, I’m nice and easy to get along with but it takes a bit to get to know me.

As a writer, that’s a good and a bad thing. My job and the fact that I work afternoons and sometimes on the weekend makes it hard to get out and do some of things I want. Money is the other issue. I know I need to network and get my name out there, make my face and name known, create a following. But it’s hard and exhausting sometimes when I also have my real life situations and what I lovingly termed “lifetus interruptus”.

Sometimes my quietness and reserved nature/demeanor can be mistaken for being snobbish or conceited. I play nice if played nice with. But I don’t make friends easily. I’m shy not the most outgoing person. I can’t stand fakeness or phoniness or the transparent ish that people put up and put on in order to “be nice” or “be liked”. I can’t be anyone other than myself, take it or leave it, like it or lump it.

And I know/realize that that comes from past hurts and opening myself up to much just to get my heart handed to me on a platter.

Just like on message boards, forums and blogs - I participate when I can but I’m mostly a lurker or hang in the background.

So suffice it to say, I don’t always fit in. I have adjusted to that fact and accepted it. I deal with it. But it does hurt, a tiny bit, still. I mean, let’s face it no one likes being ignored.

And I understand if you don’t like me, but to be rude, that’s incomprehensible. I make efforts and try to make gestures or open myself up to be more open and get to know people or possibly even make some new friends.

And no nothing happened but this has just been on my mind awhile and figured that I would blog about it. Life is to short and too hectic to stress over all the little inconsequential stuff. But also, in that, there is always a direct and indirect effect.

I don’t know what else to say or do. So what else is there to do?

What’s your thoughts? Any advice or a confession?

FYI/DISCLAIMER: - Excuse the possible grammar or spelling errors as well as the rambling within this mini rant. It’s late and I don’t have the energy to go back over it.

Edited To Add - This occured to me on the way home. Some people may mistake my kindness for weakness but it’s not. I’ve always been very observant, watching people, studying their behavior. It’s a good trait to have as a writer - the ability to study and decipher people and their behaviors. It can really help add depth when developing characters.

Do I like that people underestimate me? Yes and No. No because it’s annoying. Yes because they don’t usually see me coming and it gives me an extra edge and puts them at at disadvantage.

Tags: Commentary, Rants, Thoughtful //